An Introduction to the Westside.

I live in Brentwood, which to many in LA is known as Douchebag Central.

I suppose you could ask why would I voluntarily live in a place called Douchebag Central when I should be spending my time running far, far away from douchebags. Well, the answer is it has great freeway access, it’s close to work, the rent is cheaper than Santa Monica, I can walk to all my favorite “fat kid at heart” spots (Yogurtland, Susie Cakes, Coffee Bean to name a few), and it’s far away from the hipsters of Silverlake (quick – what do I hate more than a douchebag? That’s right – a hipster!).

Image: Memecenter

So, now that we’ve established that I’m a masochist who voluntarily subjects herself to the douchebaggery of her neighborhood on a daily basis, let’s talk about why douchebags migrate here:

1)   It’s close to the beach minus the beach rents and the weird vibes of Venice.

2)   It’s far away from the entertainment industry, so the finance and lawyer douchebags have found their way here.

3)   In theory, the 405 access makes it a quick commute to office areas like downtown and the valley. Emphasis on the “in theory” because we know in LA if you have to take a freeway to work, you have at least a 2-hour roundtrip commute. Even if you work into the late hours of the night, you can still bet LA has shut down the 405 in the middle of the night for the never-ending project that is the 405 reconstruction and you still can’t get home.

How to spot a Westside douchebag:

1)   Popped collar.

2)   I went to USC and love my alma mater but I’m the first to admit if you see a dude in the Westside in a USC shirt, he’s probably a former frat dude and current douchebag. If you see a guy in a UCLA shirt, you should also stay away because people who went to UCLA just stink.

3)   Westside douchebags hang out in packs, so where there is one, these are at least 3 more nearby.

Where they hang out:

I’m going to leave that to Lizzie Donaldson at Complex.com, who wrote up the Top 25 douchiest Bars in LA back in February. Trust me, she got them all right.

Image: Complex.com
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