Tag Archives: douchebags

It’s Not Good-Bye. It’s See You in the Next Life.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I found employment. In New York City.

To say that I have mixed feelings about leaving LA is an understatement. After I decided to take the offer, I cried at least 3 times a day and didn’t sleep for a week. And then I had to pick myself up the ground and downsize my walk-in closet wardrobe (perhaps the most tear-inducing part).

Believe me — I know that I am leaving one terrible dating scene for an arguably worse one. But I didn’t take this job to find Prince Charming in the dungeon kingdom that is New York City. I took this job because it was a great career opportunity and it seemed like the right time to take a chance and go on a new adventure.

This new adventure will end the chapter known as LAMatchbook. But hey – you never know – maybe I’ll find inspiration and create NYMatchbook. Lord knows there are plenty of douchebags in NYC; they are just dressed better.

Thank you all for your support. It has been such a fun journey to share my LA dating fiascos with all of you.

This is not Good-Bye. I’ll see you in the Next Life.

xoxo,

A.

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Guest Post: Mr. Only On Special Occasions.

I don’t have many rules in the dating game but I do have one that I have always stuck to throughout the years: don’t date and job hunt at the same time. My ego can’t take all that rejection.

So I put out the call for guest bloggers for all you dating adventurers out there and A.W. answered the call! Here she describes her first attempt at an eHarmony date and unfortunately he didn’t turn out to be Prince Charming.

I’ve gone on many first dates over the years- setups, guys I met out, J-dates, etc.  But this was my first eHarmony attempt.

Let’s just say it was not so hot.

He had invited me to a wine and cheese bar, he was handsome, well dressed, and seemed to be an okay guy at first glance.  I think this guy expected me to study/memorize his profile, which I hadn’t.  The night started out bumpy when I asked if he preferred red or white wine and he said he didn’t drink. Ooops, clearly I missed the part where he said “special occasions only.”  Strike one.

However, as we started talking, some of the things he said were getting weirder and weirder; booze couldn’t even be blamed for these faux pas.  This was just his personality.

I noticed he couldn’t take his eyes off of my metallic silver nail polish- I am sure in his mind this made me some sort of a weirdo, but in all honesty I was just rocking the Essie color of the season with a normal manicure, nothing crazy.  I’m not a red or pink nails kind of a girl.  I was dressed pretty conservatively- Tory Birch flats, Gucci bag, Banana Republic shirt, all very classy and modest.

Back to the issue at hand…

Top 5 One liners of the evening…

1) In response to why he was living in  LA “Calvin Klein called and wanted  me to pick up my modeling career again”

2) Whether he liked Runyon Canyon “It’s trashy.” (I had already mentioned I live over there and go on a weekly basis).  He also told me I was “very Hollywood, ” which is a description I never really considered about myself…

3) Why he hadn’t been to NYC in a while “When I got I like to do expensive things, so I want to have the funds.  I want to go shopping…at places like Saks, Neimans, and Nordstrom and I am going to spend a lot of money.”  when I politely told him they have those stores in LA he said they don’t have “the good stuff, not like NY, since the recession hit here.”  Hello, have you heard of this thing called the internet?  Welcome to 2014.

4) With regards to me saying I practice yoga “You do fake yoga.  I learned from a yogi in Calcutta and have practiced in the Himalayas.”  Then he proceeded to go into a 10 minutes dissertation about his yoga versus my yoga, which included a story you could tell he had told verbatim dozens on times.  He said he didn’t expect me to stop doing yoga based on what he was saying, my reply was “don’t worry, I wasn’t thinking about it.”

5) In describing a party he went to over the weekend (that he had already sent me an awkward email about)  “My Filipino MILF friend who I one went on a date with and used to have a thing for me had a party….”  In the email, he mentioned he had stopped by a party and when he got there a priest-like person was leading a prayer and he thought they might be trying to induct him into a cult.  I knew that was weird and a semi red flag, but I always give people the benefit of the doubt.

In hindsight, I also think I should never go out with anyone who doesn’t drink at all.  (Only on special occasions).
I think I need to prescreen these candidates a little more.  I also think he could probably do a top 5 one liners on my end of things he considered weird.  We were just not compatible.

The night ended with an awkward hug/ him attempting to kiss me on the lips and an offer to walk me to my car (‘I think I’m good…”)
Let’s call this a learning experience: I also got some wine and cheese out of the equation.

And onto the next one…

What The Kids Are Up To.

I have launched a social experiment to investigate what the kids are up to these days.

Recently, my 22 year old coworker friend talked me into trying out Tinder. Believe it or not, I do think it’s wise to take the advice of 22 year olds from time to time. They have a certain joie de vivre and lack a certain jadedness that us late 20somethings possess. And when you go out with them, you realize what a fun time they have. You don’t even regret the hangover the next day (sigh, to be 22 and hangoverless again…).

Have you heard of Tinder yet? Some call it an app for hooking up. I like to think of it as speed dating on the iPhone with all the superficiality that you’re supposed to pretend to lack on Match.com.

So far, I’ve encountered a lot of shirtless (and in some cases, headless…) men from the westside on the app. For example:

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Tinder3_1

Tinder works in that it pulls your info from Facebook so everyone is “supposed” to be telling the truth. I have found this not to be the truth, as several alleged 19 year olds that I have been matched with are most definitely 35 years old.

Regardless, I have chatted with some 20something men on the app and found them to be…well…about as eloquent as they are on Match.com. Which is not saying much. One invited me over to hang with him him while he sat on his couch. I declined.

Basically, Tinder seems to be some sort of playground for all of us to play out our superficial fantasies and potentially find someone casual to hook up with. But hey, it sure is fun.

I’ll keep you posted —

A.