Unless any of you have acquired a boyfriend over the last 5 weeks (kudos if so!), I felt it appropriate to post a follow-up to In Preparation for Thanksgiving. I am returning to Chicago with a massive cold (not to worry though – the doctor just gave me a bunch of drugs so I should be singing Christmas carols minus the dripping nose in no time) and am fully prepped to answer the following annoying question:
“So, why are you still single?”
I have compiled the following potential responses:
“I don’t know; maybe I should stop telling guys on a first date that I have a dating blog.” (just kidding…this is like a 6th date revelation)
“I keep meeting these cute guys in Orange County but once I tell them that I voted for Obama, they run away.”
“I’m on an airplane and/or in a different city every other weekend. Apparently, most men find this detrimental in dating a person. Me? I think it’s pretty f–king rad.”
“I have no idea. Go get me my 5th glass of champagne and let’s sit down for the next 3 hours of this holiday party to talk through all my many single person issues. And no, we’re not spending one minute talking about you.”
“I really am holding out for Ryan Gosling. He lives in LA; I live in LA. What – is this not realistic?”
“BECAUSE BEING SINGLE IS AWESOME.” (True story. Thanks to my friend D. for that one)
Happy Holidays everybody! To the married folks – I enjoyed all the holiday cards (who doesn’t love snail mail??) and I hope there aren’t too many in-laws and screaming children this Christmas. To the single folks – I hope there are many ugly Christmas sweater parties and drunken makeouts heading your way.
I for one love a holiday office party. As long as open bar is involved. My new company (I only started this job in July) is holding theirs on Friday and I have high hopes that the night will look something like this…
And not this…When I get home from my work holiday party after talking to married couples all night.(myfriendsaremarried)
(but I’m sure knowing my luck, it will be the latter)
P.S. If you thought this article was about HOW to navigate your office holiday party, I have no idea. My first full-time job out of college was working for a small start-up smack dab in the middle of the recession so I didn’t experience my first holiday party until age 27. So I haven’t been hit with the jaded boredom of these events that I think most people have acquired. I’ll leave the advice to the good people of Yahoo and GQ to help you out.
I don’t know about you guys, but for the last few days, I’ve been plotting my responses for the inevitable question, “So, are you seeing anyone special?” when I return to my hometown of Chicago this week. Here are my favorites:
“No. What are your thoughts on the 22 year old who works at the Subway by my office that told me he still lives with his parents? Because he asked me out.”
“No special man, Aunt Maggie. I’ve decided that I will be the family member to continue your spinster legacy.” (Totally kidding! I don’t have an Aunt Maggie. And I would never say that to a spinster Aunt)
“No, but consider this an open invitation to come visit me in LA in the dead of Chicago winter so you can meet the men of Los Angeles. You will quickly understand why I am still single.”
“Yes, I have met someone! His name is Winston. He is unbelievably sweet, considerate, always there for me, and he is an orange tabby.” (Lie. I don’t have a cat…yet. But if I ever get one he will be named Winston and he will surely be the love of my life)
“Nope. Once I saw those Paul Ryan workout pictures, I gave up on the male species and took a vow of celibacy.” (Half kidding…My parents’ conservative friends would sh– a brick if I actually said this to them)
“No, but I still have hope because men like Ryan Gosling look like this.” (100% truth!)
The best advice I can give for dealing this lovely question during the holiday season? Always have a glass of champagne in hand. Because a glass of bubbly looks better than a stud on your arm any day of the week.
P.S. Here’s a picture of Mr. Gosling if you needed a visual.
As a big fan of hilarious GIFs and Tumblrs, I’m always on the hunt for a new Tumblr to entertain me when I’m bored. My friend D. discovered the greatest gem on the Internet, #myfriendsaremarried. The title says it all. The subtitle “My friends are getting married; I’m just 25 and drunk” perfects the theme. Replace 25 with 28 and we’ve stumbled upon my life! Gems include:
WHEN MY FRIEND SAYS THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA.
WHEN MY FRIEND SAYS I DON’T HAVE TO BE INTERESTED IN A GUY TO GO ON ONE DATE WITH HIM.
Explore. Enjoy. It made my day when I discovered it.