I don’t like the word resolution because I feel that it sets you up for failure. But I like the word goal, so I set 3 goals for myself this year:
1. Have a better year than 2013. The bar has been set low.
2. Spend less time in Excel.
3. Go on less dates with boring men.
So far, I’m failing at one of these goals (Excel, you ‘re a dirty, mean jerk) and going nowhere with Goal #3. The problem with Goal #3 is that it just means that I am going on less dates, period.
That means, fair readers, for those of you going out on dates with interesting men or just anyone in general – I’d love to have you guest blog. Ping me at email@example.com. I’ll answer quickly because I’m usually home alone with a glass of Sauvignon Blanc or watching Juan Pablo. Or let’s be realistic – both at the same time.
I made out with a guy in San Francisco who I am 99% sure was gay and trying to prove a point to his lover, Igor. No, I don’t make this stuff up.
I made it to 5 dates with a vegetarian who made me share non-carnivorous meals with him and he lived at home above his parents’ garage without a bedroom door. Again, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. He now owns the title of the only man I have made it to 5 dates with in 13 months.
My mother grew so anxious over the state of my singlehood that she literally chased down men in the street of Chicago for me.
A drunk best man rejected me at a wedding.
I considered hiring a Los Angeles actor to bring home to my family for Christmas. I decided that taking a vacation to Thailand was a better investment.
I went on a date with a skinny man who invited me to drinks and then he drank iced tea. I felt awkward and judged for enjoying my glass of Chardonnay.
At the end of 2013, I still have my health, an income, wine, and a pretty awesome group of friends. At the end of the day, that makes for a pretty decent year. And the bar has been set very, very low for you, 2014.
I’m going to be frank here, people. 2013 was not the best.
There was not a single event that personified the rottenness of the year. It was a combination of bad dates, bad professionalism, and a string of continuous letdowns.
With that said, I had a profound amount of time to reflect on what went wrong in 2013, and I realized that despite what I think is bad in my life, it is up to me to turn it around and make it better. I need a lesson in humility and learning to appreciate what I have.
But you know what is better than one lesson – 12 lessons. With that in mind, between now and Christmas, I am going to give you what I have learned over the past few months and how I’m going to do my best to make it all better.
I’m not going to lie, the first few weeks of 2013 sucked. I was probably setting myself up for failure as I rode 2012 out on a high wave. January was one of those months where every small thing that could go wrong did. The Cold Sickness Part II made a nasty reappearance and I’m still not recovered, my HMO screwed me over (not a surprise), I screamed at a dishwasher repairman with an Eastern European accent on the phone and he screamed back (he had the accent, not me), I wasted an entire Saturday waiting on my couch for a delivery that showed up completely wrong but then I yelled at Overstock.com and got my way.
Basically, the last 6 weeks have been a nonstop cycle of anger and screaming and coughing. I’ve decided that the only way to break the cycle is to at least smack a fake smile on my face and try to focus on positive things. Because according to my “glass is half-full” friends, if you keep focusing on the negative, you’ll never break out of the cycle. Or some sh*t like that.
I have to admit, I was a fan of 2012. New job, new apartment, new (cough cough) blog, new car. Seeing as those some of the previous years were not auspicious (I’m looking at you 2008 and 2010…and the end of 2011), I can only hope 2013 goes half as smoothly as 2012 did and I’ll be a happy camper.
As for resolutions, I don’t really believe in them because I get really, really angry over how crowded my pilates and spin classes and gym get starting on January 2 with all those people and their “fitness resolutions”. Then those fools clear out by mid-February and I’m happy once again.
So here’s hoping for lots of good drinks, friends, not crowded fitness classes, and of course dates in 2013!