I don’t like the word resolution because I feel that it sets you up for failure. But I like the word goal, so I set 3 goals for myself this year:
1. Have a better year than 2013. The bar has been set low.
2. Spend less time in Excel.
3. Go on less dates with boring men.
So far, I’m failing at one of these goals (Excel, you ‘re a dirty, mean jerk) and going nowhere with Goal #3. The problem with Goal #3 is that it just means that I am going on less dates, period.
That means, fair readers, for those of you going out on dates with interesting men or just anyone in general – I’d love to have you guest blog. Ping me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’ll answer quickly because I’m usually home alone with a glass of Sauvignon Blanc or watching Juan Pablo. Or let’s be realistic – both at the same time.
I made out with a guy in San Francisco who I am 99% sure was gay and trying to prove a point to his lover, Igor. No, I don’t make this stuff up.
I made it to 5 dates with a vegetarian who made me share non-carnivorous meals with him and he lived at home above his parents’ garage without a bedroom door. Again, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. He now owns the title of the only man I have made it to 5 dates with in 13 months.
My mother grew so anxious over the state of my singlehood that she literally chased down men in the street of Chicago for me.
A drunk best man rejected me at a wedding.
I considered hiring a Los Angeles actor to bring home to my family for Christmas. I decided that taking a vacation to Thailand was a better investment.
I went on a date with a skinny man who invited me to drinks and then he drank iced tea. I felt awkward and judged for enjoying my glass of Chardonnay.
At the end of 2013, I still have my health, an income, wine, and a pretty awesome group of friends. At the end of the day, that makes for a pretty decent year. And the bar has been set very, very low for you, 2014.
Bring it on.