In the summer of 2017, I went on a few dates and slept with a French Guy who lived in the East Village. Unwittingly and stupidly, I caught feelings.
After date #3, I started to suspect that the French Guy wasn’t into it anymore. While we texted for a few days after, he did not ask me on another date. On a Friday night, I suggested meeting up and his response was that he was out with a coworker who liked to party and he would have a late night. Having finally gotten the hint, I deleted his number from my phone, wrote him off as another New York slash French idiot, and went on my merry way.
That Saturday night, I went out drinking with friends in Battery Park and was enjoying the New Jersey sunset across the Hudson when my iPhone chirped with an unknown number text. The French Guy sent a rambling text about how he is looking for a long term relationship, does not want to see me anymore, and he should have never let things get this far. Way to take the knife and just twist it, French Guy.
So I am just the girl that no one sees a long term relationship future with. Cool.
Ladies, I don’t have much dating advice. But when I do, I swear by it.
Whenever you meet a guy in a bar/social event/party and hit it off, immediately excuse yourself to the bathroom and find him on Facebook. Allow me to explain…
I met Mr. Cubs Fan at a Cubs bar in the Lower East Side during the 2016 World Series. Like all hopeless Cubs fans, I did not assume this handsome blonde had any interest besides Cubs bar chit chat. However, we spent half of the game chatting about Chicago, our jobs in the technology industry, and he complimented my glasses (because when my job is killing me softly, I wear glasses to bars). To my surprise, he asked for my number and I happily handed it out. He even texted me the next morning saying we should hang out that night.
Thanks to said job, I didn’t get around to checking Mr. Cubs Fan’s Facebook page until later the next day. I noticed 2 blonde boys in his feed and figured those were his nephews. Until I got to his “About” page where his status said “Married”. I immediately found his wife on Facebook and verified he was indeed married to a blonde girl in suburban Chicago with 2 blonde twin boys.
I fumed and decided to wait to call him out if I ever heard from Mr. Cubs Fan again. Sure enough, he did text that evening, leading to this exchange:
Mic drop. I’m done.
Dating in New York is better than dating in Los Angeles.
A bold statement but one I stand by.
The men in New York are more ambitious, communicative, honest, and generous. They know what they want in life, including a career path and what sort of relationship they want with a girl. You just can’t be a slacker in New York. It’s financially impossible.
One such go-getter was Mr. I Have a Walk-In Closet. He also works in ad technology so we had a lot in common when we met for our first Bumble date. He humbly bragged about the new Upper West Side condo he had just bought and renovated. He whipped out his phone and gave me the virtual tour of the 2BR complete with crown moldings. He ended the tour with an Instagram of the large and empty walk-in closet which he proudly announced could fit a baby.
We didn’t work out.
Welcome to another chapter in my “job hunting is just like dating” series. As desperate as you may be in a job hunt (read: trying to navigate how to live in Los Angeles as a single person on unemployment payments), it is important to apply to as many relevant and interesting jobs as possible — just like you should optimize your dating profile to consider prospects you would otherwise consider to be “outside your bubble.”
You may have a dream job or dream man in mind when you put a search inquiry into Indeed.com or Match.com, but the truth is — you need to play the odds in both your dating and career lives. Expand your pool to parameters you haven’t considered before. Perhaps now is the time to think about making a East Coast move or actually accepting a date in the Valley.
Just because your best friend has recommended you for your dream role or set you up with Prince Charming doesn’t mean you should rely on that dream job or man to be your only option. Keep an open mind and apply to multiple roles and go on several dates with new guys. The minute you stop focusing on that perfect job or guy, you’ll find even more options open to you.
Hence, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. I’m a big fan in juggling a manageable load – men and jobs alike.
In recent years, I have encountered a phenomenon that I did not know existed when I was in my early 20s. There is a whole melee of 30something men in the online dating sphere that just want to get married. And if you are an attractive, not-crazy woman, they will decide they want to marry you after 1 date. It’s a very jarring concept.
I went on 3 dates with one of these anomalies back in January. I thought there was chemistry on Date 1, but by Date 3, I knew I wasn’t feeling it. He however seemed to be head over heels. He texted constantly, wanted to hold my hand in the movies (this ruined American Hustle for me), and made plans and followed through on them. On paper, this guy was marriage-material. He had a goddamn golden retriever. Except I didn’t even want to kiss him.
He wasn’t the first 30something I encountered like this. Mr. Vegetarian from last Spring had the same marriage mindset (well in his head; he needed to move out of his parents’ attic before he actually got hitched). Some of my girlfriends have said they’ve encountered this same phenomenon: the guy wasn’t attracted to her; he was attracted to the idea of marrying anyone.
Losing my job wound up being the silver lining to ditch Mr. Good on Paper/Golden Retriever Owner. I had the perfect excuse to say I had to re-prioritize and dating could no longer be a priority in life. He of course wrote me the nicest text ever back. If this guy sounds perfect to you and you’re on the marriage track, let me know. I’ll hook you guys up.
As for me, I’m on the job-finding track. Marriage-minded (or not) dudes will just have to wait.