Category Archives: dating

Guest Post: Mr. Only On Special Occasions.

I don’t have many rules in the dating game but I do have one that I have always stuck to throughout the years: don’t date and job hunt at the same time. My ego can’t take all that rejection.

So I put out the call for guest bloggers for all you dating adventurers out there and A.W. answered the call! Here she describes her first attempt at an eHarmony date and unfortunately he didn’t turn out to be Prince Charming.

I’ve gone on many first dates over the years- setups, guys I met out, J-dates, etc.  But this was my first eHarmony attempt.

Let’s just say it was not so hot.

He had invited me to a wine and cheese bar, he was handsome, well dressed, and seemed to be an okay guy at first glance.  I think this guy expected me to study/memorize his profile, which I hadn’t.  The night started out bumpy when I asked if he preferred red or white wine and he said he didn’t drink. Ooops, clearly I missed the part where he said “special occasions only.”  Strike one.

However, as we started talking, some of the things he said were getting weirder and weirder; booze couldn’t even be blamed for these faux pas.  This was just his personality.

I noticed he couldn’t take his eyes off of my metallic silver nail polish- I am sure in his mind this made me some sort of a weirdo, but in all honesty I was just rocking the Essie color of the season with a normal manicure, nothing crazy.  I’m not a red or pink nails kind of a girl.  I was dressed pretty conservatively- Tory Birch flats, Gucci bag, Banana Republic shirt, all very classy and modest.

Back to the issue at hand…

Top 5 One liners of the evening…

1) In response to why he was living in  LA “Calvin Klein called and wanted  me to pick up my modeling career again”

2) Whether he liked Runyon Canyon “It’s trashy.” (I had already mentioned I live over there and go on a weekly basis).  He also told me I was “very Hollywood, ” which is a description I never really considered about myself…

3) Why he hadn’t been to NYC in a while “When I got I like to do expensive things, so I want to have the funds.  I want to go shopping…at places like Saks, Neimans, and Nordstrom and I am going to spend a lot of money.”  when I politely told him they have those stores in LA he said they don’t have “the good stuff, not like NY, since the recession hit here.”  Hello, have you heard of this thing called the internet?  Welcome to 2014.

4) With regards to me saying I practice yoga “You do fake yoga.  I learned from a yogi in Calcutta and have practiced in the Himalayas.”  Then he proceeded to go into a 10 minutes dissertation about his yoga versus my yoga, which included a story you could tell he had told verbatim dozens on times.  He said he didn’t expect me to stop doing yoga based on what he was saying, my reply was “don’t worry, I wasn’t thinking about it.”

5) In describing a party he went to over the weekend (that he had already sent me an awkward email about)  “My Filipino MILF friend who I one went on a date with and used to have a thing for me had a party….”  In the email, he mentioned he had stopped by a party and when he got there a priest-like person was leading a prayer and he thought they might be trying to induct him into a cult.  I knew that was weird and a semi red flag, but I always give people the benefit of the doubt.

In hindsight, I also think I should never go out with anyone who doesn’t drink at all.  (Only on special occasions).
I think I need to prescreen these candidates a little more.  I also think he could probably do a top 5 one liners on my end of things he considered weird.  We were just not compatible.

The night ended with an awkward hug/ him attempting to kiss me on the lips and an offer to walk me to my car (‘I think I’m good…”)
Let’s call this a learning experience: I also got some wine and cheese out of the equation.

And onto the next one…

Advertisements

2013: A Recap

I made out with a guy in San Francisco who I am 99% sure was gay and trying to prove a point to his lover, Igor. No, I don’t make this stuff up.

I made it to 5 dates with a vegetarian who made me share non-carnivorous meals with him and he lived at home above his parents’ garage without a bedroom door. Again, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. He now owns the title of the only man I have made it to 5 dates with in 13 months.

My mother grew so anxious over the state of my singlehood that she literally chased down men in the street of Chicago for me.

A drunk best man rejected me at a wedding.

I considered hiring a Los Angeles actor to bring home to my family for Christmas. I decided that taking a vacation to Thailand was a better investment.

I went on a date with a skinny man who invited me to drinks and then he drank iced tea. I felt awkward and judged for enjoying my glass of Chardonnay.

At the end of 2013, I still have my health, an income, wine, and a pretty awesome group of friends. At the end of the day, that makes for a pretty decent year. And the bar has been set very, very low for you, 2014.

Bring it on.

Cheers,

A.

Lesson #9: Don’t Be Afraid to Laugh at Yourself.

Christmas Lesson #9: Don’t Be Afraid to Laugh at Yourself

There were a few moments this year when my friends would bring up my embarrassing dating stories and I’d turn bright red and get angry. Sometimes hearing the sentence, “Remember when you dated the vegetarian who insisted on going to restaurants to share plates and didn’t let you eat meat dishes?” or “Why did you stay on that drinks date where Sober Joe invited you for a drink and then he drank iced tea while you had your 2nd Chardonnay?”  just completely rubbed me the wrong way. Then, I realized they bring up those stories because they are just so memorable and entertaining that the stories stuck with them. And that I should really lighten up.

Recently, on a chilly Friday morning, I found myself on a corner in Brentwood next to Mr. High Maintenance. I only noticed him because I thought it was strange that guy was wearing sandals, shorts, and a tank top when it was 50 degrees outside. Then we each did a double-take and I realized it was the Pellegrino and Sauvignon Blanc-swigging prima donna himself (in fact, he was holding 2 bottles of Pellegrino). He looked at me and ran across the busy street, straight into incoming traffic.

He didn’t get hit by a car and I fought the urge to shout, “Hey —, good to see you! Maybe you should put on some pants. It’s cold out here.” Then I promptly burst into laughter. The men of LA that I have dated literally run into incoming cars to get away from me. And that’s hilarious.

Lesson #7: Under Promise. Over Deliver.

Lesson #7 of the 12 Lessons of Christmas: Under Promise. Over Deliver.

Back in an old client-facing role I had a few years ago, our Client Services team had a motto: Under Promise. Over Deliver. The idea was to set low expectations with your clients, so you will continually exceed their initial expectations.

This concept can be applied to all facets of life. Not only does it keep your whining clients at bay, it teaches you to learn to set the bar low for all sorts of parts of your life, especially dating. When what seems like Prince Charming living in Venice from OkCupid turns out to be an overweight slob living in the Valley, you won’t be so disappointed.

12 Lessons of Christmas.

I’m going to be frank here, people. 2013 was not the best.

There was not a single event that personified the rottenness of the year. It was a combination of bad dates, bad professionalism, and a string of continuous letdowns.

With that said, I had a profound amount of time to reflect on what went wrong in 2013, and I realized that despite what I think is bad in my life, it is up to me to turn it around and make it better. I need a lesson in humility and learning to appreciate what  I have.

But you know what is better than one lesson – 12 lessons. With that in mind, between now and Christmas, I am going to give you what I have learned over the past few months and how I’m going to do my best to make it all better.

The 12 Lessons of Christmas.