Mr. Big always got it right.
I have to ask – what are the new dating rules?
In the 90s, there was The actual Rules – a book that apparently told you never to have sex before the 3rd date so you don’t give up the power too early. I never read it because I was a clueless teenager in the 90s and that sounds like an outdated thought in 2013.
In the 2000s (the aughts? Is that what we’re calling it?), there was He’s Just Not That Into You (yes kids, it was a book before it was a movie – a book actually based an on ancient series called Sex and The City), which I actually did read and seemed to make a lot of damn sense. It broke dating down to the simplest form – Occam’s Razor as applied to men. “When you have two competing theories that make exactly the same predictions, the simpler one is the better.” Ergo, the simplest explanation is the correct one. If he likes you, he will call you.
If he wants to sleep with you, he will come upstairs. If he does not want to date you, he will not contact you. So, don’t pursue him, because if wants to be with you, he will make the effort.
Which brings us to 2013.
Over the last year, I have noticed a trend in online dating. An alarming amount of men in Los Angeles have profiles on Match.com and other sites that say the following:
– “I am very busy and don’t spend much time on Match.com. Shoot me a message and I’ll see if we’re compatible.”
– “I get a lot of messages on here so sorry if it takes me a few days to get back to you. Send me a quirky message and maybe it will move you to the top of the stack!”
– “I don’t spent a lot of time on these dating sites so I don’t make the first move. Reach out to me first to get the conversation started.”
Just to ensure this was not a Los Angeles-only douchebag trend, I asked a single girlfriend in San Diego who assured me that she indeed had noticed the same trend.
Now that I have established a (at least a Southern California) trend, it seems to be that men in their late 20s and early 30s expect to be pursued, or at least really enjoy putting on the facade of being pursued. When I told my friend LA friend L. of this newly noticed trend, she said, “Of course honey, it’s competitive in this town. You have to be pushy and pursue them.”
But previous theory said – if he likes you, he will pursue you. I have at various points in my life made the first move with guys and obviously it has ended in disaster every time (hence why I write a dating blog as a single girl…).
So this begs the question – if we’re supposed the be The Pursuer now, how do we even know if a guy likes us?
Blog readers – sound off! Is this an SoCal-only trend? Is this a trend only applicable to men of a certain age? How aggressive are we supposed to be in our pursuit of happiness, relationships, careers, and everything in between?
Recently, I spent my first Saturday night in in…2 months(?). The fact that I can’t give you an exact date should tell you that I have a moderately awesome social life.
So, due to a number of circumstances (horrible, horrible Saturday when everything went awry and I knew if I further subjected myself to humanity, sh– would hit the walls), I elected to do myself (and most everyone else) a favor to stay parked on my couch. Of course by staying in, I mean me plus a bottle of Rioja.
Fun fact: Saturday night is a good time to catch up on Liz Lemon and her many misadventures on your DVR. Then when you’re done, Saturday night TV has great TV like Iron Man and Sex and the City reruns. Horrible fact: media planners (evil little 20somethings in my business) have somehow decided that this is an optimal time to air Match.com commercials to us sad spinsters home on a Saturday night on our sofas.
The worst part of said evening consisted of me pouring myself another glass of wine in the kitchen and returning to a commercial of an image of the world’s saddest sea otter on the TV staring at me. The commercial voiceover went on to explain that “if you suffer from depression, then you should consider XX medication.”
Oh hey television, just because I’m home on a rare Saturday evening, that means that I am single, lonely, and suffering from depression? Fine, judge me all you want. But why did you have to bring the sad sea otter into all of this?