The New Rules.

I have to ask – what are the new dating rules?

In the 90s, there was The actual Rules – a book that apparently told you never to have sex before the 3rd date so you don’t give up the power too early. I never read it because I was a clueless teenager in the 90s and that sounds like an outdated thought in 2013.

In the 2000s (the aughts? Is that what we’re calling it?), there was He’s Just Not That Into You (yes kids, it was a book before it was a movie – a book actually based an on ancient series called Sex and The City), which I actually did read and seemed to make a lot of damn sense. It broke dating down to the simplest form – Occam’s Razor as applied to men. “When you have two competing theories that make exactly the same predictions, the simpler one is the better.” Ergo, the simplest explanation is the correct one. If he likes you, he will call you.

If he wants to  sleep with you, he will come upstairs. If he does not want to date you, he will not contact you. So, don’t pursue him, because if wants to be with you, he will make the effort.

hes just not that into you

Which brings us to 2013.

Over the last year, I have noticed a trend in online dating. An alarming amount of men in Los Angeles have profiles on and other sites that say the following:

– “I am very busy and don’t spend much time on Shoot me a message and I’ll see if we’re compatible.”

– “I get a lot of messages on here so sorry if it takes me a few days to get back to you. Send me a quirky message and maybe it will move you to the top of the stack!”

– “I don’t spent a lot of time on these dating sites so I don’t make the first move. Reach out to me first to get the conversation started.”

Just to ensure this was not a Los Angeles-only douchebag trend, I asked a single girlfriend in San Diego who assured me that she indeed had noticed the same trend.

Now that I have established a (at least a Southern California) trend, it seems to be that men in their late 20s and early 30s expect to be pursued, or at least really enjoy putting on the facade of being pursued. When I told my friend LA friend L. of this newly noticed trend, she said, “Of course honey, it’s competitive in this town. You have to be pushy and pursue them.”

But previous theory said – if he likes you, he will pursue you. I have at various points in my life made the first move with guys and obviously it has ended in disaster every time (hence why I write a dating blog as a single girl…).

So this begs the question – if we’re supposed the be The Pursuer now, how do we even know if a guy likes us?

Blog readers – sound off! Is this an SoCal-only trend? Is this a trend only applicable to men of a certain age? How aggressive are we supposed to be in our pursuit of happiness, relationships, careers, and everything in between?

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