Tag Archives: online dating

Don’t Put Your Eggs in 1 Basket.

Welcome to another chapter in my “job hunting is just like dating” series. As desperate as you may be in a job hunt (read: trying to navigate how to live in Los Angeles  as a single person on unemployment payments), it is important to apply to as many relevant and interesting jobs as possible — just like you should optimize your dating profile to consider prospects you would otherwise consider to be “outside your bubble.”

You may have a dream job or dream man in mind when you put a search inquiry into Indeed.com or Match.com, but the truth is — you need to play the odds in both your dating and career lives. Expand your pool to parameters you haven’t considered before. Perhaps now is the time to think about making a East Coast move or actually accepting a date in the Valley.

Just because your best friend has recommended you for your dream role or set you up with Prince Charming doesn’t mean you should rely on that dream job or man to be your only option. Keep an open mind and apply to multiple roles and go on several dates with new guys. The minute you stop focusing on that perfect job or guy, you’ll find even more options open to you.

Hence, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. I’m a big fan in juggling a manageable load – men and jobs alike.

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To Split the Check Or Not To Split the Check.

On the first date, who do you think should pay? Should the guy pay because it’s his courting duty, should you go Dutch, or should us women of the post-feminist era foot the bill?

I recently ventured back into the dating world of Tinder and had a date with Jake*, a seemingly nice guy who works at a major talent agency. I should have listened to my instincts which said no one nice works at an agency in LA but I guess I felt unusually bold and hopeful.  I further ignored my instincts and agreed to a Friday night date (a very unusual move for me).

We met at a bar near my house in Brentwood that I know to be reasonably well-priced and would have a decent Friday evening crowd. While Jake and I had a good conversation, I found his guffaw laugh to be rather obnoxious and didn’t feel much of a spark.

When the check arrived, I did the usual coy ask of  “Oh, should we split it?” and he said, “Absolutely!” Now, I realize that it was absolutely my fault to even present him with the option, but shouldn’t chivalry dictate that he say, “Thanks for the offer but it’s on me.” After all, he asked me out.

After throwing down my credit card, I knew I didn’t want to see this guy again. To add insult to injury, he basically ran out of the bar and didn’t offer to walk me home.

And so ended another dud of a Friday night date in LA.

What The Kids Are Up To.

I have launched a social experiment to investigate what the kids are up to these days.

Recently, my 22 year old coworker friend talked me into trying out Tinder. Believe it or not, I do think it’s wise to take the advice of 22 year olds from time to time. They have a certain joie de vivre and lack a certain jadedness that us late 20somethings possess. And when you go out with them, you realize what a fun time they have. You don’t even regret the hangover the next day (sigh, to be 22 and hangoverless again…).

Have you heard of Tinder yet? Some call it an app for hooking up. I like to think of it as speed dating on the iPhone with all the superficiality that you’re supposed to pretend to lack on Match.com.

So far, I’ve encountered a lot of shirtless (and in some cases, headless…) men from the westside on the app. For example:

Tinder1_1

Tinder3_1

Tinder works in that it pulls your info from Facebook so everyone is “supposed” to be telling the truth. I have found this not to be the truth, as several alleged 19 year olds that I have been matched with are most definitely 35 years old.

Regardless, I have chatted with some 20something men on the app and found them to be…well…about as eloquent as they are on Match.com. Which is not saying much. One invited me over to hang with him him while he sat on his couch. I declined.

Basically, Tinder seems to be some sort of playground for all of us to play out our superficial fantasies and potentially find someone casual to hook up with. But hey, it sure is fun.

I’ll keep you posted —

A.

The New Rules.

I have to ask – what are the new dating rules?

In the 90s, there was The actual Rules – a book that apparently told you never to have sex before the 3rd date so you don’t give up the power too early. I never read it because I was a clueless teenager in the 90s and that sounds like an outdated thought in 2013.

In the 2000s (the aughts? Is that what we’re calling it?), there was He’s Just Not That Into You (yes kids, it was a book before it was a movie – a book actually based an on ancient series called Sex and The City), which I actually did read and seemed to make a lot of damn sense. It broke dating down to the simplest form – Occam’s Razor as applied to men. “When you have two competing theories that make exactly the same predictions, the simpler one is the better.” Ergo, the simplest explanation is the correct one. If he likes you, he will call you.

If he wants to  sleep with you, he will come upstairs. If he does not want to date you, he will not contact you. So, don’t pursue him, because if wants to be with you, he will make the effort.

hes just not that into you

Which brings us to 2013.

Over the last year, I have noticed a trend in online dating. An alarming amount of men in Los Angeles have profiles on Match.com and other sites that say the following:

– “I am very busy and don’t spend much time on Match.com. Shoot me a message and I’ll see if we’re compatible.”

– “I get a lot of messages on here so sorry if it takes me a few days to get back to you. Send me a quirky message and maybe it will move you to the top of the stack!”

– “I don’t spent a lot of time on these dating sites so I don’t make the first move. Reach out to me first to get the conversation started.”

Just to ensure this was not a Los Angeles-only douchebag trend, I asked a single girlfriend in San Diego who assured me that she indeed had noticed the same trend.

Now that I have established a (at least a Southern California) trend, it seems to be that men in their late 20s and early 30s expect to be pursued, or at least really enjoy putting on the facade of being pursued. When I told my friend LA friend L. of this newly noticed trend, she said, “Of course honey, it’s competitive in this town. You have to be pushy and pursue them.”

But previous theory said – if he likes you, he will pursue you. I have at various points in my life made the first move with guys and obviously it has ended in disaster every time (hence why I write a dating blog as a single girl…).

So this begs the question – if we’re supposed the be The Pursuer now, how do we even know if a guy likes us?

Blog readers – sound off! Is this an SoCal-only trend? Is this a trend only applicable to men of a certain age? How aggressive are we supposed to be in our pursuit of happiness, relationships, careers, and everything in between?