Tag Archives: dating

It’s Not Me, It’s You.

In the summer of 2017, I went on a few dates and slept with a French Guy who lived in the East Village. Unwittingly and stupidly, I caught feelings.

After date #3, I started to suspect that the French Guy wasn’t into it anymore. While we texted for a few days after, he did not ask me on another date. On a Friday night, I suggested meeting up and his response was that he was out with a coworker who liked to party and he would have a late night. Having finally gotten the hint, I deleted his number from my phone, wrote him off as another New York slash French idiot, and went on my merry way.

That Saturday night, I went out drinking with friends in Battery Park and was enjoying the New Jersey sunset across the Hudson when my iPhone chirped with an unknown number text. The French Guy sent a rambling text about how he is looking for a long term relationship, does not want to see me anymore, and he should have never let things get this far. Way to take the knife and just twist it, French Guy.

So I am just the girl that no one sees a long term relationship future with. Cool.

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Mr. I Have a Walk-In Closet and I want to put a baby in it.

Dating in New York is better than dating in Los Angeles.

A bold statement but one I stand by.

The men in New York are more ambitious, communicative, honest, and generous. They know what they want in life, including a career path and what sort of relationship they want with a girl.  You just can’t be a slacker in New York. It’s financially impossible.

One such go-getter was Mr. I Have a Walk-In Closet.  He also works in ad technology so we had a lot in common when we met for our first Bumble date. He humbly bragged about the new Upper West Side condo he had just bought and renovated. He whipped out his phone and gave me the virtual tour of the 2BR complete with crown moldings. He ended the tour with an Instagram of the large and empty walk-in closet which he proudly announced could fit a baby.

We didn’t work out.

The Break-Up Email.

Recently, a company emailed me saying they were interested in potentially offering me a position. I was definitely floored, as one executive had put me through the ringer in my 2nd interview. I suppose that means I passed some sort of “how much can she tolerate” test.

So I was faced with the difficult task of sitting down and writing a professional summary of “Why I don’t want to continue this relationship.” Let’s just say it was as hard as writing a “I just don’t feel the chemistry” text except my professional reputation was on the line.

And so ends another chapter in the “job hunting is just like dating” AKA “I’ll never get employed/date again” saga of my late 20s.

Don’t Put Your Eggs in 1 Basket.

Welcome to another chapter in my “job hunting is just like dating” series. As desperate as you may be in a job hunt (read: trying to navigate how to live in Los Angeles  as a single person on unemployment payments), it is important to apply to as many relevant and interesting jobs as possible — just like you should optimize your dating profile to consider prospects you would otherwise consider to be “outside your bubble.”

You may have a dream job or dream man in mind when you put a search inquiry into Indeed.com or Match.com, but the truth is — you need to play the odds in both your dating and career lives. Expand your pool to parameters you haven’t considered before. Perhaps now is the time to think about making a East Coast move or actually accepting a date in the Valley.

Just because your best friend has recommended you for your dream role or set you up with Prince Charming doesn’t mean you should rely on that dream job or man to be your only option. Keep an open mind and apply to multiple roles and go on several dates with new guys. The minute you stop focusing on that perfect job or guy, you’ll find even more options open to you.

Hence, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. I’m a big fan in juggling a manageable load – men and jobs alike.

Guest Post: Mr. Only On Special Occasions.

I don’t have many rules in the dating game but I do have one that I have always stuck to throughout the years: don’t date and job hunt at the same time. My ego can’t take all that rejection.

So I put out the call for guest bloggers for all you dating adventurers out there and A.W. answered the call! Here she describes her first attempt at an eHarmony date and unfortunately he didn’t turn out to be Prince Charming.

I’ve gone on many first dates over the years- setups, guys I met out, J-dates, etc.  But this was my first eHarmony attempt.

Let’s just say it was not so hot.

He had invited me to a wine and cheese bar, he was handsome, well dressed, and seemed to be an okay guy at first glance.  I think this guy expected me to study/memorize his profile, which I hadn’t.  The night started out bumpy when I asked if he preferred red or white wine and he said he didn’t drink. Ooops, clearly I missed the part where he said “special occasions only.”  Strike one.

However, as we started talking, some of the things he said were getting weirder and weirder; booze couldn’t even be blamed for these faux pas.  This was just his personality.

I noticed he couldn’t take his eyes off of my metallic silver nail polish- I am sure in his mind this made me some sort of a weirdo, but in all honesty I was just rocking the Essie color of the season with a normal manicure, nothing crazy.  I’m not a red or pink nails kind of a girl.  I was dressed pretty conservatively- Tory Birch flats, Gucci bag, Banana Republic shirt, all very classy and modest.

Back to the issue at hand…

Top 5 One liners of the evening…

1) In response to why he was living in  LA “Calvin Klein called and wanted  me to pick up my modeling career again”

2) Whether he liked Runyon Canyon “It’s trashy.” (I had already mentioned I live over there and go on a weekly basis).  He also told me I was “very Hollywood, ” which is a description I never really considered about myself…

3) Why he hadn’t been to NYC in a while “When I got I like to do expensive things, so I want to have the funds.  I want to go shopping…at places like Saks, Neimans, and Nordstrom and I am going to spend a lot of money.”  when I politely told him they have those stores in LA he said they don’t have “the good stuff, not like NY, since the recession hit here.”  Hello, have you heard of this thing called the internet?  Welcome to 2014.

4) With regards to me saying I practice yoga “You do fake yoga.  I learned from a yogi in Calcutta and have practiced in the Himalayas.”  Then he proceeded to go into a 10 minutes dissertation about his yoga versus my yoga, which included a story you could tell he had told verbatim dozens on times.  He said he didn’t expect me to stop doing yoga based on what he was saying, my reply was “don’t worry, I wasn’t thinking about it.”

5) In describing a party he went to over the weekend (that he had already sent me an awkward email about)  “My Filipino MILF friend who I one went on a date with and used to have a thing for me had a party….”  In the email, he mentioned he had stopped by a party and when he got there a priest-like person was leading a prayer and he thought they might be trying to induct him into a cult.  I knew that was weird and a semi red flag, but I always give people the benefit of the doubt.

In hindsight, I also think I should never go out with anyone who doesn’t drink at all.  (Only on special occasions).
I think I need to prescreen these candidates a little more.  I also think he could probably do a top 5 one liners on my end of things he considered weird.  We were just not compatible.

The night ended with an awkward hug/ him attempting to kiss me on the lips and an offer to walk me to my car (‘I think I’m good…”)
Let’s call this a learning experience: I also got some wine and cheese out of the equation.

And onto the next one…