Tag Archives: eHarmony

Guest Post: Mr. Only On Special Occasions.

I don’t have many rules in the dating game but I do have one that I have always stuck to throughout the years: don’t date and job hunt at the same time. My ego can’t take all that rejection.

So I put out the call for guest bloggers for all you dating adventurers out there and A.W. answered the call! Here she describes her first attempt at an eHarmony date and unfortunately he didn’t turn out to be Prince Charming.

I’ve gone on many first dates over the years- setups, guys I met out, J-dates, etc.  But this was my first eHarmony attempt.

Let’s just say it was not so hot.

He had invited me to a wine and cheese bar, he was handsome, well dressed, and seemed to be an okay guy at first glance.  I think this guy expected me to study/memorize his profile, which I hadn’t.  The night started out bumpy when I asked if he preferred red or white wine and he said he didn’t drink. Ooops, clearly I missed the part where he said “special occasions only.”  Strike one.

However, as we started talking, some of the things he said were getting weirder and weirder; booze couldn’t even be blamed for these faux pas.  This was just his personality.

I noticed he couldn’t take his eyes off of my metallic silver nail polish- I am sure in his mind this made me some sort of a weirdo, but in all honesty I was just rocking the Essie color of the season with a normal manicure, nothing crazy.  I’m not a red or pink nails kind of a girl.  I was dressed pretty conservatively- Tory Birch flats, Gucci bag, Banana Republic shirt, all very classy and modest.

Back to the issue at hand…

Top 5 One liners of the evening…

1) In response to why he was living in  LA “Calvin Klein called and wanted  me to pick up my modeling career again”

2) Whether he liked Runyon Canyon “It’s trashy.” (I had already mentioned I live over there and go on a weekly basis).  He also told me I was “very Hollywood, ” which is a description I never really considered about myself…

3) Why he hadn’t been to NYC in a while “When I got I like to do expensive things, so I want to have the funds.  I want to go shopping…at places like Saks, Neimans, and Nordstrom and I am going to spend a lot of money.”  when I politely told him they have those stores in LA he said they don’t have “the good stuff, not like NY, since the recession hit here.”  Hello, have you heard of this thing called the internet?  Welcome to 2014.

4) With regards to me saying I practice yoga “You do fake yoga.  I learned from a yogi in Calcutta and have practiced in the Himalayas.”  Then he proceeded to go into a 10 minutes dissertation about his yoga versus my yoga, which included a story you could tell he had told verbatim dozens on times.  He said he didn’t expect me to stop doing yoga based on what he was saying, my reply was “don’t worry, I wasn’t thinking about it.”

5) In describing a party he went to over the weekend (that he had already sent me an awkward email about)  “My Filipino MILF friend who I one went on a date with and used to have a thing for me had a party….”  In the email, he mentioned he had stopped by a party and when he got there a priest-like person was leading a prayer and he thought they might be trying to induct him into a cult.  I knew that was weird and a semi red flag, but I always give people the benefit of the doubt.

In hindsight, I also think I should never go out with anyone who doesn’t drink at all.  (Only on special occasions).
I think I need to prescreen these candidates a little more.  I also think he could probably do a top 5 one liners on my end of things he considered weird.  We were just not compatible.

The night ended with an awkward hug/ him attempting to kiss me on the lips and an offer to walk me to my car (‘I think I’m good…”)
Let’s call this a learning experience: I also got some wine and cheese out of the equation.

And onto the next one…

Advertisements

Signing Off eHarmony

The time came to renew or cancel my 3 month eHarmony membership and while it has provided some great fodder for this blog, it just didn’t seem worth the ROI to continue.   When you cancel, they ask if you met someone (no…) and why you are leaving the site so I really put some thought into my feedback.

To provide a little background, I spent 2.5 years doing community management for an online media site and it was The. Worst. Thing. Ever. Imagine getting hate mail every day from strangers on the Internet including on Christmas day for almost 3 years. I’m still emotionally scarred (and clearly a little bit bitter). So I figured if eHarmony really wanted my feedback, I’d give the poor community manager who has to read these responses something to laugh about. Below you’ll find my response:

I thought about continuing your service but it’s kind of expensive, and I decided I wanted to buy a new pair of shoes instead.

Truthfully, the shoes are going to be more fulfilling than most of the dates I went on over the past few months. I don’t think this is your fault though, eHarmony. It’s not you; it’s LA.

Sincerely,

A.

P.S. If I ever rejoin, can you please not send me matches from La Canada Flintridge? I didn’t even know what that was and had to look it up on Google Maps; that place is too far away to travel for any dude, even if he’s like a 98% compatibility match or whatever.

Guess I’ll have to go back to my old ways of trolling Brentwood bars for douchebags to date. Good luck to me!