The time came to renew or cancel my 3 month eHarmony membership and while it has provided some great fodder for this blog, it just didn’t seem worth the ROI to continue.   When you cancel, they ask if you met someone (no…) and why you are leaving the site so I really put some thought into my feedback.

To provide a little background, I spent 2.5 years doing community management for an online media site and it was The. Worst. Thing. Ever. Imagine getting hate mail every day from strangers on the Internet including on Christmas day for almost 3 years. I’m still emotionally scarred (and clearly a little bit bitter). So I figured if eHarmony really wanted my feedback, I’d give the poor community manager who has to read these responses something to laugh about. Below you’ll find my response:

I thought about continuing your service but it’s kind of expensive, and I decided I wanted to buy a new pair of shoes instead.

Truthfully, the shoes are going to be more fulfilling than most of the dates I went on over the past few months. I don’t think this is your fault though, eHarmony. It’s not you; it’s LA.

Sincerely,

A.

P.S. If I ever rejoin, can you please not send me matches from La Canada Flintridge? I didn’t even know what that was and had to look it up on Google Maps; that place is too far away to travel for any dude, even if he’s like a 98% compatibility match or whatever.

Guess I’ll have to go back to my old ways of trolling Brentwood bars for douchebags to date. Good luck to me!