In recent years, I have encountered a phenomenon that I did not know existed when I was in my early 20s. There is a whole melee of 30something men in the online dating sphere that just want to get married. And if you are an attractive, not-crazy woman, they will decide they want to marry you after 1 date. It’s a very jarring concept.

I went on 3 dates with one of these anomalies back in January. I thought there was chemistry on Date 1, but by Date 3, I knew I wasn’t feeling it. He however seemed to be head over heels. He texted constantly, wanted to hold my hand in the movies (this ruined American Hustle for me), and made plans and followed through on them. On paper, this guy was marriage-material. He had a goddamn golden retriever. Except I didn’t even want to kiss him.

He wasn’t the first 30something I encountered like this. Mr. Vegetarian from last Spring had the same marriage mindset (well in his head; he needed to move out of his parents’ attic before he actually got hitched). Some of my girlfriends have said they’ve encountered this same phenomenon: the guy wasn’t attracted to her; he was attracted to the idea of marrying anyone.

Losing my job wound up being the silver lining to ditch Mr. Good on Paper/Golden Retriever Owner. I had the perfect excuse to say I had to re-prioritize and dating could no longer be a priority in life. He of course wrote me the nicest text ever back. If this guy sounds perfect to you and you’re on the marriage track, let me know. I’ll hook you guys up.

As for me, I’m on the job-finding track. Marriage-minded (or not) dudes will just have to wait.