This coming holiday weekend, I fly to Vail, Colorado for my 2nd cousin’s wedding. She’s 58 years old and this is her first marriage so take note – there’s always hope!
I’m the youngest cousin in the family, aside from my slightly older cousins who have all had babies (seriously, one had 3 in 3 years). They hail from places like Virginia, Texas, and Kansas City. They look at me all judgmental like the crazy city slicker I really am (and sometimes I catch a slight glimmer of jealousy in their eyes).
Much like my family visits at Thanksgiving and Christmas, I’ve been pondering all week about the inevitable question – “So, why didn’t you bring a date to the wedding?” My potential responses are ready to go:
- “I actually had a male escort on hold a la The Wedding Date but I did a cost-benefit analysis and it turned out the cons outweighed the pros.”
- “I was online dating in an attempt to meet someone but then my new boss was spotted on Tinder and eHarmony so I had to cease immediately for fear of e-running into him.” (true story)
- “I’m selfish, I’m fabulous, and I’m single. Get over it.”
- “Having grown up around this family for the past 28 years, I know better than to bring any man around to you people.”
- “I’m pretty sure I’ve dated all the eligible men in the westside. I’ve tapped out LA.” (another true story)
Wish me luck!
Unless any of you have acquired a boyfriend over the last 5 weeks (kudos if so!), I felt it appropriate to post a follow-up to In Preparation for Thanksgiving. I am returning to Chicago with a massive cold (not to worry though – the doctor just gave me a bunch of drugs so I should be singing Christmas carols minus the dripping nose in no time) and am fully prepped to answer the following annoying question:
“So, why are you still single?”
I have compiled the following potential responses:
- “I don’t know; maybe I should stop telling guys on a first date that I have a dating blog.” (just kidding…this is like a 6th date revelation)
- “I keep meeting these cute guys in Orange County but once I tell them that I voted for Obama, they run away.”
- “I’m on an airplane and/or in a different city every other weekend. Apparently, most men find this detrimental in dating a person. Me? I think it’s pretty f–king rad.”
- “I have no idea. Go get me my 5th glass of champagne and let’s sit down for the next 3 hours of this holiday party to talk through all my many single person issues. And no, we’re not spending one minute talking about you.”
- “I really am holding out for Ryan Gosling. He lives in LA; I live in LA. What – is this not realistic?”
- “BECAUSE BEING SINGLE IS AWESOME.” (True story. Thanks to my friend D. for that one)
Happy Holidays everybody! To the married folks – I enjoyed all the holiday cards (who doesn’t love snail mail??) and I hope there aren’t too many in-laws and screaming children this Christmas. To the single folks – I hope there are many ugly Christmas sweater parties and drunken makeouts heading your way.