Tag Archives: family

Navigating the Family Wedding.

This coming holiday weekend, I fly to Vail, Colorado for my 2nd cousin’s wedding. She’s 58 years old and this is her first marriage so take note – there’s always hope!

I’m the youngest cousin in the family, aside from my slightly older cousins who have all had babies (seriously, one had 3 in 3 years). They hail from places like Virginia, Texas, and Kansas City. They look at me all judgmental like the crazy city slicker I really am (and sometimes I catch a slight glimmer of jealousy in their eyes).

Much like my family visits at Thanksgiving and Christmas, I’ve been pondering all week about the inevitable question – “So, why didn’t you bring a date to the wedding?” My potential responses are ready to go:

  • “I actually had a male escort on hold a la The Wedding Date but I did a cost-benefit analysis and it turned out the cons outweighed the pros.”
  • “I was online dating in an attempt to meet someone but then my new boss was spotted on Tinder and eHarmony so I had to cease immediately for fear of e-running into him.” (true story)
  • “I’m selfish, I’m fabulous, and I’m single. Get over it.”
  • “Having grown up around this family for the past 28 years, I know better than to bring any man around to you people.”
  • “I’m pretty sure I’ve dated all the eligible men in the westside. I’ve tapped out LA.” (another true story)

Wish me luck!

In Preparation for Christmas.

Unless any of you have acquired a boyfriend over the last 5 weeks (kudos if so!), I felt it appropriate to post a follow-up to In Preparation for Thanksgiving. I am returning to Chicago with a massive cold (not to worry though – the doctor just gave me a bunch of drugs so I should be singing Christmas carols minus the dripping nose in no time) and am fully prepped to answer the following annoying question:

“So, why are you still single?”

I have compiled the following potential responses:

  • “I don’t know; maybe I should stop telling guys on a first date that I have a dating blog.” (just kidding…this is like a 6th date revelation)
  • “I keep meeting these cute guys in Orange County but once I tell them that I voted for Obama, they run away.”
  • “I’m on an airplane and/or in a different city every other weekend. Apparently, most men find this detrimental in dating a person. Me? I think it’s pretty f–king rad.”
  • “I have no idea. Go get me my 5th glass of champagne and let’s sit down for the next 3 hours of this holiday party to talk through all my many single person issues. And no, we’re not spending one minute talking about you.”
  • “I really am holding out for Ryan Gosling. He lives in LA; I live in LA. What – is this not realistic?”
  • “BECAUSE BEING SINGLE IS AWESOME.” (True story. Thanks to my friend D. for that one)

Happy Holidays everybody! To the married folks – I enjoyed all the holiday cards (who doesn’t love snail mail??) and I hope there aren’t too many in-laws and screaming children this Christmas. To the single folks – I hope there are many ugly Christmas sweater parties and drunken makeouts heading your way.