This coming holiday weekend, I fly to Vail, Colorado for my 2nd cousin’s wedding. She’s 58 years old and this is her first marriage so take note – there’s always hope!
I’m the youngest cousin in the family, aside from my slightly older cousins who have all had babies (seriously, one had 3 in 3 years). They hail from places like Virginia, Texas, and Kansas City. They look at me all judgmental like the crazy city slicker I really am (and sometimes I catch a slight glimmer of jealousy in their eyes).
Much like my family visits at Thanksgiving and Christmas, I’ve been pondering all week about the inevitable question – “So, why didn’t you bring a date to the wedding?” My potential responses are ready to go:
- “I actually had a male escort on hold a la The Wedding Date but I did a cost-benefit analysis and it turned out the cons outweighed the pros.”
- “I was online dating in an attempt to meet someone but then my new boss was spotted on Tinder and eHarmony so I had to cease immediately for fear of e-running into him.” (true story)
- “I’m selfish, I’m fabulous, and I’m single. Get over it.”
- “Having grown up around this family for the past 28 years, I know better than to bring any man around to you people.”
- “I’m pretty sure I’ve dated all the eligible men in the westside. I’ve tapped out LA.” (another true story)
Wish me luck!