At a Halloween party recently, a cute guy talked me into talking to a tarot card reader. Now I know better than listen to this crap 98% of the time, but for some reason (perhaps given my recent spat of all sorts of bad karma…or maybe it was the vodka) I decided to give Gypsy Fortune Teller Lady a try.

As the tarot card reading went on, it was like an accident unfolding slowly in front of you: it just kept getting worse and worse. My first card represented that I was very frustrated with my love life (I think I’ve managed to kiss 3 guys this year and I liked none of them…dammit). Then there was a card with a man looking up at 3 heads in the sky and that represented that you and your family are at odds (not surprising thanks to meddling mom’s recent behavior).  Then there was some sad guy in the field reaping and sowing which signified my job was very taxing and it was only going to get worse (yay). I actually asked her for outlook on that one and she said that it would be a long time to see my efforts to pay off.

Once she gave me the Devil card, I concluded that no good would come of this and stopped listening. Or the vodka set in and I can’t remember the conclusion. Either way, it was the world’s worst tarot card reading.