As a big fan of hilarious GIFs and Tumblrs, I’m always on the hunt for a new Tumblr to entertain me when I’m bored. My friend D. discovered the greatest gem on the Internet, #myfriendsaremarried. The title says it all. The subtitle “My friends are getting married; I’m just 25 and drunk” perfects the theme. Replace 25 with 28 and we’ve stumbled upon my life! Gems include:
WHEN MY FRIEND SAYS THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA.
WHEN MY FRIEND SAYS I DON’T HAVE TO BE INTERESTED IN A GUY TO GO ON ONE DATE WITH HIM.
Explore. Enjoy. It made my day when I discovered it.
I live in Brentwood, which to many in LA is known as Douchebag Central.
I suppose you could ask why would I voluntarily live in a place called Douchebag Central when I should be spending my time running far, far away from douchebags. Well, the answer is it has great freeway access, it’s close to work, the rent is cheaper than Santa Monica, I can walk to all my favorite “fat kid at heart” spots (Yogurtland, Susie Cakes, Coffee Bean to name a few), and it’s far away from the hipsters of Silverlake (quick – what do I hate more than a douchebag? That’s right – a hipster!).
So, now that we’ve established that I’m a masochist who voluntarily subjects herself to the douchebaggery of her neighborhood on a daily basis, let’s talk about why douchebags migrate here:
1) It’s close to the beach minus the beach rents and the weird vibes of Venice.
2) It’s far away from the entertainment industry, so the finance and lawyer douchebags have found their way here.
3) In theory, the 405 access makes it a quick commute to office areas like downtown and the valley. Emphasis on the “in theory” because we know in LA if you have to take a freeway to work, you have at least a 2-hour roundtrip commute. Even if you work into the late hours of the night, you can still bet LA has shut down the 405 in the middle of the night for the never-ending project that is the 405 reconstruction and you still can’t get home.
How to spot a Westside douchebag:
1) Popped collar.
2) I went to USC and love my alma mater but I’m the first to admit if you see a dude in the Westside in a USC shirt, he’s probably a former frat dude and current douchebag. If you see a guy in a UCLA shirt, you should also stay away because people who went to UCLA just stink.
3) Westside douchebags hang out in packs, so where there is one, these are at least 3 more nearby.
Welcome to LA Matchbook, a guide to the world of LA Dating: The Good, The Beautiful, the Bad, and the Downright Ugly.
My name is A. I’ve been single for longer than I’ve been out of out college (5 years!), haven’t made it to a 3rd date in a year, and I’m indecisive, clueless, and have a whole set of issues that you’ll soon learn and it will be made clear to you why I’m single.
Consider yourself warned: I don’t claim to be an expert at dating. This blog is about the embarrassing stories, awkward moments, and general pitfalls of dating in LA. Or any major city for that matter. Douchebags are everywhere. I am always earnest, often cynical, sometimes hopeful, and here to spill the dirty details of dating the dudes you meet in the bar, from the Internet, or in the check-out line at the grocery store.
So read on, dear friends, and prepare yourself for the trials and tribulations of one single girl’s quest to conquer to world of LA dating.