I tried to date a vegetarian who drives a Prius for a few weeks.
It didn’t work out.
Aside from the fact that he would insist on sharing plates whenever we ate dinner (and that made me the carnivorous psychopath in me want to order meat even more), he was one of the Nice Guys. He taught special education to 8th graders. I work in advertising and help deliver you display ads that you don’t want on your webpages, and I am also writing about this nice guy on an anonymous dating blog. There is probably a special place in Heaven for people like him and a special place in Hell for people like me.
But he was also a 31-year-old who “temporarily” lived with his parents because he was “condo-hunting”. He claimed he temporarily lived in the guesthouse. Turned out, he lived in a bedroom above the garage that had a doorway with no door. My friends theorized that perhaps he did something bad and his mom took the door away to punish him.
At the end of the day, don’t trust a male vegetarian. Or do, just stand your ground and order a gosh darn steak because that’s what you really want.
I realize and recognize that I spend a lot of time on this blog talking about the many, many (too many?) douchebags I’ve dated and been subjected to in Los Angeles. Now let’s take a second to reflect on their brothers on the complete opposite side of the dating spectrum: the Nice Guys.
Nice guys are not urban legends. They are indeed walking among us every day (or in LA’s case…driving in the car next to yours). We just may not notice them because they are not as aggressive or as loud as their douche-y counterparts. I’ve encountered many of these nice guy anomalies in my dating years, including the following 2 good guys:
Pete the Pilot.
A fellow I dated while I was living in San Diego 3 years ago. Everything was great on paper. Everything. He was a pilot for a private plane (how hot is that?). He was good-looking. He was incredibly sweet and planned our 3 dates down to a T. We had really good conversations about Lost. And he could rock a goddamn set of aviators. And yet by the end of Date 3, I felt zero chemistry for this guy. Nothing. But I knew the absolute best thing I could to him was bite the bullet and end it. And guess what – we’re still Facebook friends and I know that he found love with a nice girl in San Diego and still flies a giant private plane. So, one person won out of this situation and it was the nice guy.
Oh, Mr. Oklahoma of eHarmony. He was like a humble slice of pie to remind me that there are hidden nice dudes in LA. I recently went on a 2-hour date with this guy (USC grad, born and raised in Oklahoma, now works in film) in Santa Monica and while he was perfectly nice and attentive, I just knew by the end of the night that I wasn’t interested in him at all. It all started to awkwardly fall apart at the end of the evening when I politely leaned out to give him a good-bye hug (most likely ass-out, as demonstrated in the picture below) and instead he went all pounce-y and tried to make out with my face. In a last-minute effort to hide from his incoming lips, I turned my cheek so he clumsily kissed my cheek. And when I tried to run off, he called after me, “I’d love to see you again!” and I replied with a “Umm…just text me. Bye!” Sure, maybe I should have just stood my ground right then and there and said, “No thanks, I’m not interested”, but I was just trying to make a quick getaway.
At exactly 10 AM the following morning, he texted me asking me on a very specific, well thought-out date for Saturday night, even suggesting to get sushi since I had said I really liked sushi. I had to spend the next 8 hours thinking of a polite way to say, thanks but no thanks. Eventually, I figured out there was no way I was going to escape this situation without looking like a female douchebag. Finally, I came up with some sort of politely worded rejection, sent it off, and never heard a word back. The whole situation made me feel bad for this perfectly nice, small-town guy that is just trying to find love in a hopeless place (read: Los Angeles).
I’ve probably only learned 1 or 2 things in my dating days and otherwise I’m pretty damn clueless. But here you go: if you are dating a nice guy that you don’t like but you just feel too bad or guilty or you keep hoping chemistry/feelings will magically develop, just rip the band-aid right off and end it. It is a very unfair thing to string this nice guy along and on top of it — keep him from meeting his Ms. Right. Because if there’s one thing I believe, nice guys don’t finish last.