Ladies of Los Angeles, I gotta ask – does anyone find they get asked out on dates to the same exact wine bar over and over again? It’s like the men of LA only know of 1 first date spot. In my case, it’s Bodega wine bar in Santa Monica. I think I’ve been on at least 10 blind dates there. I’m surprised the bartenders don’t recognize me as that awkward girl who keeps coming back for sad dates.

Anyways, this brings me to Mr. Face Twitch. He invited me to – surprise surprise — Bodega.

I actually ran out of work thinking I was late at 6:15 for a 6:30 date (thank you difficult client). I somehow made it there and parked promptly at 6:30. He was not there but I found a place to sit. By 6:55, I ordered a glass of wine and made friends with the 50something man next to me named Frank. Awkwardly, I had to put my credit card down to hold the order.

To Mr. Face Twitch’s credit, I followed my Online Dating Rule of not giving out my number for safety and security purposes, so he didn’t have my phone number. I did have his though, and finally texted him at 7:00 to say “ohh hey…i’m here, grabbed a spot to sit.” He apologized and said he had gotten held up at work but didn’t have my number to give me the heads-up.

He finally showed up at 7:10 (40 minutes late…), and “photo” Mr. Face Twitch was cuter than “real life” Mr. Face Twitch. Basically, he was perfectly nice but awkward and nerdy and made weird faces and twitched. 30 minutes in, I knew I wanted out and after an hour finally said something about having to meet friends for Trivia Night (blatant lie). We couldn’t find the waitress to close the tab. By the time she finally came around, she asked how we wanted to settle given my credit card was holding the tab. He had 2 beers; I had 1 glass of wine (mine was at happy hour price; his 2 beers were not due to his tardiness).

I requested the check and he left his credit card on the table and went to bathroom. The waitress asked me how to do the bill while he was gone. I was stupid enough just to stutter (I really wanted to LEAVE!!), “Uummm….just split it halfway.” So basically I paid for this guy to drink beer.

He returned from the bathroom, we signed the checks (REALLY?? I’m on online dating sites for the free drinks/food!! I expect to see some ROI out of this), and I then I ran away.

The worst part of it all? Mr. Face Twitch and I have been matched up on 3 separate dating sites. Apparently, we’re good together on paper and disastrous in real life.