I dug up an oldie but goodie for you guys.

A long, long time when I lived in a somewhat faraway place called San Diego, I met a gentleman named Eagle*. I met him in under rare circumstances – he was a friend of a girlfriend’s boyfriend. We met at a magical beachfront bar called Lahaina’s in a not so magical place called Pacific Beach. He asked for my number and said friend’s boyfriend vouched for him, so I happily agreed to a date with Eagle.

Eagle was a nerd (I always go for the nerds) who worked for reputable engineering company in Carlsbad. He had a tattoo of an eagle (get it??) on his right arm. He explained that he had gotten the eagle tattoo on a whim to a trip to New Zealand. The eagle’s mouth was open to the left. He said at another important event in his life (which was still to be determined), he would get an eagle tattoo on his left arm and the mouth would face to the right. As someone with zero tattoos, I was unimpressed.

Eagle and I had 3 decent dates, but I always felt like there was a certain something lacking during each of those dates. Plus there was his whole anxiety mental issue. On our 3rd date, he disappeared to the bathroom for 20 minutes. Naturally, I presumed he had eaten something bad but he later revealed it was due to his anxiety attacks, which he sometimes took medication for but hadn’t that night.

On our 4th date, I visited him on a lovely summer day in his beachside studio apartment, which was a true studio that he shared with his cat, Princess Sophia Cassandra Snowfeet. Yes, she had 4 names and was forced to reside in a 3oo square foot studio apartment. I honestly don’t know if I felt worse for her name or the square footage the poor thing would pace in 20 seconds corner to corner.

I also noticed a large lump in his bed that I presumed to not be a body but I asked to be double safe. He explained that he enjoyed sleeping with a body pillow that he had affectionately named Veronica. But if I was up for it, I could take the place of Veronica.

(for the record, as long as he dated me, Veronica remained Queen of the 300 square foot studio).

It was on that 4th date that he mentioned his mother and sister were visiting in a few days and that they were “dying to meet me” but he insisted that it was too soon. I clammed up immediately and almost had my own anxiety attack.

A week later (after said family visit that I tactfully avoided), he sent me a Facebook message asking me on a 5th date. Now I get that it was 2009 and Facebook messaging was probably the new thing but you just don’t ask a girl out via Facebook. Ever. I chose to immaturely ignore the message.

The next day, he decided it was a good idea to get a hold of me not via Facebook or my cell phone, but through my work number. Which no one ever called besides angry customers. The startup I worked for at the time was so small that we didn’t have a receptionist; my friend B. picked up the phone. When she told me that Eagle was on the phone for me, I immediately turned red and requested that send him to voicemail. Which she did.

He didn’t get the hint.

He called back immediately and asked for me again. B. explained lied that I was in a meeting, could he please leave a voicemail, which he finally did. I called him back a day later via my cell phone and told him I had no desire to see him anymore.

He immediately defriended me on Facebook but I learned via my friend that he did eventually find a girlfriend and he was very happy.

Unfortunately, I have no new updates on Princess Sophia Cassandra Snowfeet and Veronica. But I assume the 4 of them are very happy together.