Don’t Fight It.

I have no other way
There is a price to pay
For what the man will say
That I was a million miles away
In a promise full of steam
It could take no vacant dream
To persuade me to believe

I think just don’t fight it,
Don’t fight it, don’t fight it
If you don’t know what it is,
If you don’t know what it isI left my heart in places
Forgot everyone of their faces
And tried to navigate a broken path
Of which I may have helped create
In any incident, this is never no accident
To stand alone and
Let the silence make itself at home

Ah, give it up,
Those dirty tricks
No quick fix, can undo it
Ah, give it up
I won’t resist
My answers always this

I said don’t fight it,
Don’t fight it, don’t fight it
If you don’t know what it is,
If you don’t know what it is

Just don’t fight it,
Don’t fight it, don’t fight it
If you don’t know what it is,
If you don’t know what it is

Where has my light gone?
Where has my fight gone?
What keeps us burning when the fire is long gone?
When I can’t relate to that voice without a face
Should I be afraid or is it just a voice I did create?

Ah, give it up,
Those dirty tricks
No quick fix, can undo it
Ah, give it up
I won’t resist
My answers always this

I said don’t fight it,
Don’t fight it, don’t fight it
If you don’t know what it is,
If you don’t know what it is

 

“Don’t Fight It.” – The Panics.

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Where I’ve Been and Who I’ve Done

A lot has happened between 2014 and 2016. I applied for and received unemployment round 2 (shout-out to New York and California states!), I did some dudes, and a lot of advertising clients screamed at me. I endured a lot of physical and mental pain, cried on a lot of 4/5/6 train cars, and also danced my ass off in between. Here’s a rundown of the last 48 months of July 2014 – July 2016.

Months 1-2: Welcome to New York. Everything so happy and shiny and new and warm!!

Month 3: Everything stopped being so shiny and happy.

Month 4: I became routinely the last person in the office.

Month 4.5: Halloween night 2014, someone stole my uber and rode it to Coney Island to the fine tune of $168 charged to my Visa.

Month 5: Officially entered noise complaint wars with the stomping monster upstairs in my adorable Lower East Side studio apartment.

Month 7:  Broke my lease on said Lower East Side apartment and moved to the most boring part of Manhattan, Financial District. I sleep like a lamb. 

Month 10: Rewind Guy  #1.

Month 11: I realized I had attained more wrinkles in my forehead in one year in NYC than I had gained in 11 years on the west coast.

Month 12: I looked in the mirror and saw that I was the shell of my former self. I stopped smiling and I couldn’t remember how to start smiling. I went on a trip to Greece with girlfriends from Chicago and LA who said they didn’t even recognize me anymore

Month 14: I entered Therapy. Just what New York needed – another neurotic white privileged woman whining about her miserable life, sexist work environment, and requesting Xanax to sleep.

Month 17: I received The Talk at my job. Long story short, the company eliminated the Account Manager function because they felt that my skills and career goals didn’t line up with the new “sales role” and handed me a paltry severance package. 

Month 18: Rewind Guy #2.

Month 19: Unemployed. Again.

Months 20-24: All a bit of blur. I relaxed at the thought of an empty inbox. I traveled to New Orleans, California, Chicago, and all the places that I missed in the last 2 years. I went on a lot of interviews with a lot of snobby companies, drank a lot of Manhattans, dealt with an ankle injury and moderate eye/vision issue (shout out to Obamacare!), and found my smile again.

Month 24: Employed again. I am cautiously optimistic.

Oops I Did It Again

Once upon a time, a single drifter lived, worked, and dated in Los Angeles. It was full of Palm trees and Peter Pans. She chronicled her experiences in a dating blog named LAMatchbook. Over the course of her late 20s, she dated a plethora of douchebags, losers, boring guys, and some nice ones in there too. Then, she lost her job in LA on the eve of 30.

Bored, lost, and uninspired, she set her sights to go somewhere grander, costlier, and inevitably colder. Direction-less and man-less, she decided to go test her resolve in the place where all dreams go to die: New York City. Job offer in hand, she arrived in the Big Apple and immediately started working 10+ hour days. She dated when she had time, which was pretty much never. She joined the ranks of the other sleep-deprived New Yorkers and complained about her insane upstairs neighbors. She broke a lease, worked more hours, learned how to navigate Penn Station, yelled at ConEd when they jackhammered at midnight, and started seeing a therapist (Xanax prescription not included).

This is not a story of a princess who moved to a big city and found Prince Charming. This is the real story of a girl who took a chance, got robbed by Uber, stepped in vomit and on a rat, lost some hair and parts of her memory, and somehow keeps persevering through Manhattan. They say you’re not a New Yorker until you’ve cried on the subway in front of everyone and don’t care. I accomplished that by Month #3. Then the technology industry betrayed me again and I lost the job that drove me 3,000 miles across the country. And so less than 2 years after I left America’s 2nd most expensive city, I found myself unemployed in America’s #1 most expensive city.

I know that this used to be a blog about dating, but perhaps in my 30s I’ve learned the karmic lesson about not airing your dating dirty laundry. Or I’ve run out of material because it has become noticeable that men swipe left for women who are over 31. So we’re going to start a new conversation. Here’s a blog for the wanderers, for the clueless, for the childless those of us in our 30s who are wondering why we’re at our desks again at 9 PM on a Wednesday.

I don’t have much time to write; I have to keep the bonuses coming in to afford my 470 square foot downtown studio after all. But I invite you to read about my New York adventures and for those of you with the time and means to date, please share your stories! It’s a big, bad, hard world and we’re all just trying to navigate our ways through it.
Many cheers!

A.

 

 

 

 

It’s Not Good-Bye. It’s See You in the Next Life.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I found employment. In New York City.

To say that I have mixed feelings about leaving LA is an understatement. After I decided to take the offer, I cried at least 3 times a day and didn’t sleep for a week. And then I had to pick myself up the ground and downsize my walk-in closet wardrobe (perhaps the most tear-inducing part).

Believe me — I know that I am leaving one terrible dating scene for an arguably worse one. But I didn’t take this job to find Prince Charming in the dungeon kingdom that is New York City. I took this job because it was a great career opportunity and it seemed like the right time to take a chance and go on a new adventure.

This new adventure will end the chapter known as LAMatchbook. But hey – you never know – maybe I’ll find inspiration and create NYMatchbook. Lord knows there are plenty of douchebags in NYC; they are just dressed better.

Thank you all for your support. It has been such a fun journey to share my LA dating fiascos with all of you.

This is not Good-Bye. I’ll see you in the Next Life.

xoxo,

A.

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LA Bucket List – Update #2

You guys, I’ve hit 5 out of 11!

  1. Hike Runyon Canyon
  2. Visit Getty Villa Getty
  3. Bike down the coast from Santa Monica to Hermosa
  4. Drive on Mulholland Drive
  5. Visit Turtle Races at Brennan’s
  6. Go to a Lakers or Clippers game
  7. See the stars at Bar Marmont
  8. Dim sum in Chinatown
  9. Re-visit LACMA Getty
  10. Pizza at Pizzeria Mozza

pizzeriamozza

11.Have a drink at Roosevelt Tropicana pool in Hollywood Roosevelt

12. Visit the Greystone Mansion (it’s a free and fun thing to do in LA!)

greystone

 

Some Who Wander Are Lost