Category Archives: dating

dating, douchebags

To Split the Check Or Not To Split the Check.

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On the first date, who do you think should pay? Should the guy pay because it’s his courting duty, should you go Dutch, or should us women of the post-feminist era foot the bill?

I recently ventured back into the dating world of Tinder and had a date with Jake*, a seemingly nice guy who works at a major talent agency. I should have listened to my instincts which said no one nice works at an agency in LA but I guess I felt unusually bold and hopeful.  I further ignored my instincts and agreed to a Friday night date (a very unusual move for me).

We met at a bar near my house in Brentwood that I know to be reasonably well-priced and would have a decent Friday evening crowd. While Jake and I had a good conversation, I found his guffaw laugh to be rather obnoxious and didn’t feel much of a spark.

When the check arrived, I did the usual coy ask of  “Oh, should we split it?” and he said, “Absolutely!” Now, I realize that it was absolutely my fault to even present him with the option, but shouldn’t chivalry dictate that he say, “Thanks for the offer but it’s on me.” After all, he asked me out.

After throwing down my credit card, I knew I didn’t want to see this guy again. To add insult to injury, he basically ran out of the bar and didn’t offer to walk me home.

And so ended another dud of a Friday night date in LA.

dating, on Los Angeles

Guest Post: Dealbreakers

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As I’ve mentioned before, this summer has been all work and no play for me. So I pleaded with my friends and readers for anyone who actually has the time to date to please share their stories. Amazingly, some fantastic writers answered the call!

So, dear readers, I give you the tale of D., who decided to share her thoughts on modern day dealbreakers here in LA, in her own words…

Every now and then, it’s good to change things up so….I’m honored to be A’s first guest blogger (otherwise known as “D”, the also single and fun sidekick and partner-in-crime that makes a cameo on this blog from time to time). I have had the wonderful pleasure of listening and sometimes even experiencing first hand some of A’s dating experiences as said sidekick.  I, on the other hand, have been hesitant to join the world of online dating for several irrational reasons which I won’t bore you with but the main reason being I’m clinging onto the hope that I’ll meet my prince charming the old-fashioned way – preferably through a friend, face to face, with witty banter and a drink in hand.

Well – this actually happened to me about a month ago. It always happens when you least expect it, right? A invited me to accompany her to a friend’s going-away party, at a bar that was east of the 405 (shocker). We decided to leave the Westside bubble and give it a try. I met a boy who was also there for the party, who I thought was cute. We chatted and exchanged witty banter, had a few drinks,  and at the end of the night he asked for my number.

Fast forward several weeks later and we had our first date at Harvard + Stone. It was a drinks date that I really didn’t expect to last longer than a few hours but we managed to have natural flowing conversation for a good 5 hours. During which, we asked the usual first date questions (“Where are you from?”, “How long have you lived in LA?”, “What are your favorite bars?”) and the subject of drinking and driving in LA came up. I had driven to Harvard + Stone and he made a comment on how I seemed to be “handling my alcohol well” (about 3 drinks in). Which I was. So I decided to share my story about getting pulled over at a DUI checkpoint a year ago and having it scare the crap out of me (I passed all of the tests of course) so I wouldn’t ever drink and drive. Ever. He then proceeded to share that he did, in fact, get pulled over for a DUI. The story went something like he was on medication, he also had a few drinks, it made for a bad combination, and then he crashed into some barricade. Or something along those lines. No one was hurt luckily, except for his bank account and probably his ego.

At this point I’m thinking to myself – is this a red flag? Is this going to be the deal-breaker? Living in LA all of my life, I know that drinking and driving is a prevalent problem and while I’m not proud to admit this, I’ve certainly had my fair share of maybe 1 too many drinks and getting in the car.  Everyone is susceptible of getting a DUI, right?

Well, I decided to curb those negative thoughts for the time being and wasn’t faced with it again until this past Thursday night, when we went on our 3rd date. He offered to pick me up from my place – we went to the movies and all was going swell. (On a sidenote, I would highly recommend “The Way Way Back” as a great date movie – very funny and touching.) We got back into the car to head home when he turned on his engine, and then the beeping started. He had to blow into the breathalizer in order for the car to start. On the way home, he had to blow into it for a 2nd time (not sure why because the car was still running). Insert hand to forehead, SMH.

Was this the real red flag? Am I dating someone who is not responsible, who spent a night in jail, and who could possibly do this again? In my mind, all signs point to NO, he seems to have realized it was a colossal mistake and insists he will never even think about having a drink and getting into the car again.  Which I do believe. Maybe I have the first date blinders on, maybe I just don’t know him well enough yet, or maybe I just don’t want to admit it, but I’d like to think that this red flag is not a deal-breaker… we all have made mistakes in the past that we’re not proud of, so the best you can do is learn from it and move on. On the up side, he only has one more month of the breathalizer, so until then, I’d prefer to avoid having him drive again… so we’ll be walking, taxi-ing, Uber-ing, or I’ll be the chauffeur. D, the DD… that has a nice ring to it.

dating, on Los Angeles

The Geographically Undesirables.

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There’s a term that’s very specific to the dating world of Los Angeles: Geographically Undesirable. When I receive a eHarmony mail from a cute guy in Santa Monica, I go, “eee, cute and close!” When I get a note from a cute guy in Agoura Hills, I think, “eeh, cute, but I can’t get over there on a weeknight without sitting in 2 hours of traffic. Wait – where exactly is Agoura Hills?”

It makes a world of difference if the guy lives within a 5 mile radius of you compared to if you have to cross the 405 and can’t even get on a freeway (I’m looking at you, West Hollywood). If you’re working a 10 hour+ day (cough cough aka my life), you really don’t have time to commute for a date. You barely have time to exercise and grab a quick glass of wine out at a bar before bed.

I once had a Wednesday night date in Los Feliz that I sat in 1 hour and 20 mins of traffic to get to and was subsequently 30 minutes late for the date. He was miffed I was late and I was fuming out of hunger, frustration, and concluded no man was ever worth venturing to Los Feliz for on a weekday night. Clearly, the two of us didn’t work out.

I mean, even NASA knows better than to go to the Valley.

Image: #WhenInLA

And this illustration pretty much sums up all my feelings. Courtesy of my dad (he knows me all too well).

That being said, I know the first-hand stories of the long distance relationships where people even got on airplanes to meet up with the men they loved and it all worked out. So maybe I should try venturing east of the 405.

Ladies – sound off! Is this just a LA problem? How far are you willing to venture for a date? What’s an acceptable radius?

dating

On Why I Still Have Hope.

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There have been men in my life that I will never discuss in complete detail on this blog. Believe it or not, they affected my life in such positive ways that I am actually inspired to continue to date. How and why these men and I parted ways is not up for public display.

I learned a great deal from these men and about myself from these relationships and well, some weren’t even full-blown relationships. I’ll say the following.

  • I’ve been in love. More than once. Even I can’t believe it but once upon a few times, it happened. As closed off and cynical as I’ve become, I have faith that since I found love once (even more than once) before, it’s possible to find it again.
  • A long time ago, I was dating someone when my old POS car acted up. He handed me the keys to his car because he was concerned enough that he didn’t want me to drive something unsafe and he would drive my car to the mechanic that day instead. As a fearless and independent woman who had learned the expensive ways of taxis when cars failed (or to just drive the potentially dangerous vehicle to the dealership), I was absolutely floored. I didn’t even know that people – much less men – could be that selfless and caring. Regardless ladies: this is why we have AAA and keep guy friends on hand to call for car advice. That was a very rare moment that I am sure will never happen to me again. Plus I finally bought a reliable car that really gets me safely (and in some style) from point A to point B.
  • One morning, I turned over in bed and my male visitor told me I looked beautiful in that early morning light. No one had complimented me sincerely like that in years. Years.
  • The first dates where I actually had butterflies in my stomach. They’ve been far and few in between. But when they happen – they are simply the best.
  • Sleeping with a friend is tricky. Tricky tricky tricky. I’ve navigated it successfully and unsuccessfully. It’s hard to even give honest advice on what worked and what didn’t. Bottom line – enjoy it in the moment, but know that 99% of the time, it’s not going to lead to anything more.

I’ve been on countless dates with the douchebags of LA, such as the Politican, the Mr. I-Have-It-All, the Tall Guy, and while they may temporarily break my spirit from time to time, the memory of the good ones is what ultimately keeps me going in this crazy world of dating.

dating, douchebags, on Los Angeles, online dating

What The Kids Are Up To.

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I have launched a social experiment to investigate what the kids are up to these days.

Recently, my 22 year old coworker friend talked me into trying out Tinder. Believe it or not, I do think it’s wise to take the advice of 22 year olds from time to time. They have a certain joie de vivre and lack a certain jadedness that us late 20somethings possess. And when you go out with them, you realize what a fun time they have. You don’t even regret the hangover the next day (sigh, to be 22 and hangoverless again…).

Have you heard of Tinder yet? Some call it an app for hooking up. I like to think of it as speed dating on the iPhone with all the superficiality that you’re supposed to pretend to lack on Match.com.

So far, I’ve encountered a lot of shirtless (and in some cases, headless…) men from the westside on the app. For example:

Tinder1_1

Tinder3_1

Tinder works in that it pulls your info from Facebook so everyone is “supposed” to be telling the truth. I have found this not to be the truth, as several alleged 19 year olds that I have been matched with are most definitely 35 years old.

Regardless, I have chatted with some 20something men on the app and found them to be…well…about as eloquent as they are on Match.com. Which is not saying much. One invited me over to hang with him him while he sat on his couch. I declined.

Basically, Tinder seems to be some sort of playground for all of us to play out our superficial fantasies and potentially find someone casual to hook up with. But hey, it sure is fun.

I’ll keep you posted —

A.