Category Archives: online dating

Mr. Blunt.

This Tinder conversation is proof of:

1) Why I’m still single.
2) The quality of men on Tinder.
3) How much I hate bad grammar.

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Guest Post: think before you delete…

Today’s guest post is brought to you by the lovely Cara of my jean shorts. Cara takes a deep dive into the murky world of dating and breaking up in the new world of Facebook with her post think before you delete…

Now there’s one thing we should all be jealous that our parents didn’t have. They didn’t have to date in an age where Facebook posted all of your ex’s dirty laundry!

I was recently deleted on Facebook by someone I had briefly dated this year. This would be the second time this year a guy was so tormented by my amazing posts that he just couldn’t take it anymore and had to delete me. I know it can be tough to see me with a fake mustache or enjoying a quiet morning run near the water, so I completely understand where they are coming from. It did get me thinking though “why do people need to be so dramatic on social media?”

First, here are some fun facts about Facebook to catch you up to speed…

– Facebook was founded in 2004, coming up on the big 1-0!!!

– As of last September Facebook had over a billion active users, that’s a lot of ex’s.
– Daily, they have to remove 20,000 profiles
– Facebook is second most searched site behind Google – In 2006 ‘Newsfeed’ was introduced, making it easier for ex’s to get depressed.
– In 2008 ‘Chat’ was introduced, which now entertains many employed people around the world.
– In 2011 ‘Following’ was rolled out. Now all the narcissistic people can not only have a friends list but also a followers list!!
– Currently Facebook is blocked in 6 countries; the Peoples Republic of China being one of them, SHOCKER! They have no idea what they are missing in China: Jersey Shore and now Facebook!

Back to dating and Facebook…

To be precise I have been on Facebook since October 2006. In those 7 years, I have acquired 480 friends/acquaintances (two VERY different things). I would like to say that I know most of these people, but those are slim chances. However, I am sure I have interacted with them at some point in my life… I think. In those 7 years, I have only deleted one ex and well — that’s because we dated 7 years. It truly was painful to watch. Oops, that was a total lie, I deleted the guy I dated after him too! I strictly blame that on the fact I was still grieving the long term relationship.

The need for drama on social media has me beside myself. I prefer to keep my drama to silent stalking without the other person knowing anything of the sort. Who doesn’t love to see an ex with a new girlfriend who has nothing on you, except a few extra lbs. And why go as far as deleting when you can ‘hide’ them? Which by the way, the ‘hiding’ application on Facebook is by far the best Facebook has ever offered. Not only can I hide the ex’s profile til I am ready to see how their life went spiraling downhill after me, but I can hide the girl who won’t stop taking selfies of herself and posting them for all her ‘haters’ to be jealous of.

If we are on social media for any reason it is for pure enjoyment and sometimes to keep in touch. So think before you delete because you could be missing out on some future fun!

{posted by cara}

ps… no one was harmed nor deleted in the creation of this post.

You can catch up with Cara and all of her online and real-life adventures at http://myjeanshorts.com/

What The Kids Are Up To.

I have launched a social experiment to investigate what the kids are up to these days.

Recently, my 22 year old coworker friend talked me into trying out Tinder. Believe it or not, I do think it’s wise to take the advice of 22 year olds from time to time. They have a certain joie de vivre and lack a certain jadedness that us late 20somethings possess. And when you go out with them, you realize what a fun time they have. You don’t even regret the hangover the next day (sigh, to be 22 and hangoverless again…).

Have you heard of Tinder yet? Some call it an app for hooking up. I like to think of it as speed dating on the iPhone with all the superficiality that you’re supposed to pretend to lack on Match.com.

So far, I’ve encountered a lot of shirtless (and in some cases, headless…) men from the westside on the app. For example:

Tinder1_1

Tinder3_1

Tinder works in that it pulls your info from Facebook so everyone is “supposed” to be telling the truth. I have found this not to be the truth, as several alleged 19 year olds that I have been matched with are most definitely 35 years old.

Regardless, I have chatted with some 20something men on the app and found them to be…well…about as eloquent as they are on Match.com. Which is not saying much. One invited me over to hang with him him while he sat on his couch. I declined.

Basically, Tinder seems to be some sort of playground for all of us to play out our superficial fantasies and potentially find someone casual to hook up with. But hey, it sure is fun.

I’ll keep you posted —

A.

The New Rules.

I have to ask – what are the new dating rules?

In the 90s, there was The actual Rules – a book that apparently told you never to have sex before the 3rd date so you don’t give up the power too early. I never read it because I was a clueless teenager in the 90s and that sounds like an outdated thought in 2013.

In the 2000s (the aughts? Is that what we’re calling it?), there was He’s Just Not That Into You (yes kids, it was a book before it was a movie – a book actually based an on ancient series called Sex and The City), which I actually did read and seemed to make a lot of damn sense. It broke dating down to the simplest form – Occam’s Razor as applied to men. “When you have two competing theories that make exactly the same predictions, the simpler one is the better.” Ergo, the simplest explanation is the correct one. If he likes you, he will call you.

If he wants to  sleep with you, he will come upstairs. If he does not want to date you, he will not contact you. So, don’t pursue him, because if wants to be with you, he will make the effort.

hes just not that into you

Which brings us to 2013.

Over the last year, I have noticed a trend in online dating. An alarming amount of men in Los Angeles have profiles on Match.com and other sites that say the following:

– “I am very busy and don’t spend much time on Match.com. Shoot me a message and I’ll see if we’re compatible.”

– “I get a lot of messages on here so sorry if it takes me a few days to get back to you. Send me a quirky message and maybe it will move you to the top of the stack!”

– “I don’t spent a lot of time on these dating sites so I don’t make the first move. Reach out to me first to get the conversation started.”

Just to ensure this was not a Los Angeles-only douchebag trend, I asked a single girlfriend in San Diego who assured me that she indeed had noticed the same trend.

Now that I have established a (at least a Southern California) trend, it seems to be that men in their late 20s and early 30s expect to be pursued, or at least really enjoy putting on the facade of being pursued. When I told my friend LA friend L. of this newly noticed trend, she said, “Of course honey, it’s competitive in this town. You have to be pushy and pursue them.”

But previous theory said – if he likes you, he will pursue you. I have at various points in my life made the first move with guys and obviously it has ended in disaster every time (hence why I write a dating blog as a single girl…).

So this begs the question – if we’re supposed the be The Pursuer now, how do we even know if a guy likes us?

Blog readers – sound off! Is this an SoCal-only trend? Is this a trend only applicable to men of a certain age? How aggressive are we supposed to be in our pursuit of happiness, relationships, careers, and everything in between?

Mr. Vegetarian.

I tried to date a vegetarian who drives a Prius for a few weeks.

It didn’t work out.

Aside from the fact that he would insist on sharing plates whenever we ate dinner (and that made me the carnivorous psychopath in me want to order meat even more), he was one of the Nice Guys. He taught special education to 8th graders. I work in advertising and help deliver you display ads that you don’t want on your webpages, and I am also writing about this nice guy on an anonymous dating blog. There is probably a special place in Heaven for people like him and a special place in Hell for people like me.

But he was also a 31-year-old who “temporarily” lived with his parents because he was “condo-hunting”. He claimed he temporarily lived in the guesthouse. Turned out, he lived in a bedroom above the garage that had a doorway with no door. My friends theorized that perhaps he did something bad and his mom took the door away to punish him.

At the end of the day, don’t trust a male vegetarian. Or do, just stand your ground and order a gosh darn steak because that’s what you really want.